All That You Can't Leave Behind
by greenlemons
Summary: Bella is married with Jacob and her life is perfect. But one night when she dreams about her past love, it tears apart her progress that she had been making. One shot.


**AN: This idea just came to me last night, and I wrote it down in about a half hour. It's just a one-shot, but I hope people enjoy it as much as I did writing it. Read and Review!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

_All That You Can't Leave Behind_

I pushed us back and forth in the rocking chair, singing softly to my son. I sang the only song that could put him to sleep. It was a melody that was soft and sweet just like him. I stared at his angelic, baby face. I had never felt so completely whole until I had him. Everything that I knew was him. I focused my entire life now on my son, Orion, and making sure he was safe. I softly touched his cheek caressing it with only my index finger, reveling in it's smoothness. I was so astonished at how perfect and flawless my son looked. His smell, was the best thing I had ever smelled. I smiled and leaned back into the rocking chair further, humming to him, his eyes closed gently. I finally came to the conclusion that he was fast asleep, and nothing could wake him. I got out of the chair and walked to his crib, placing him onto his baby-sized mattress. Since I had him five months ago everything has been amazing. My life has been amazing.

"He's asleep," the voice said quietly from the doorway. There stood my husband, the most understanding man, Jacob. I smiled at him affectionately. I felt so incredibly content with my life right now, glancing down at Orion, and gazing lovingly at my man. He moved towards me silently, he towered over me as he looked into my eyes, my neck craned back just to watch his face so closely. He leaned down and kissed me on the lips. I felt so high, so elated; I couldn't remember the last time I felt this way.

His eyes drifted toward our sleeping boy, and then back at me, grinning impishly. I loved his grin. He held onto my hand and led me out of the blue room, closing the door behind us. I hated leaving Orion, but I realized I couldn't sleep properly beside his bed. Jacob insisted that I sleep in a real bed, I scoffed at that each time he said so.

I fell back onto our bed, exhausted with emotion. He lowered himself down on top of me, his smile perminently attached to his mouth.

"You're so beautiful. I love the way you are around him," He brought his mouth to my own, and I returned his fevered kiss just as enthusiastically. God, I loved him, so very much. I placed my hand in his hair, pulling him closer to me. He pushed me further up the bed, to make it move comfortable for his large body frame. He pressed his body into my, causing me to feel every inch of his muscles. I yanked at the bottom of his shirt and pulled it over his head. He hovered above me and staring into my eyes with so much adoration that it took my breath away. He kissed me again, and pulled my shirt over my head, too. Now our naked torso's were so close and so familiar. We had done this so many times before, but each time it was still exhilerating.

I gasped into his mouth as he pulled off my pants, and teasing me with his touch. He began to kiss my neck, which oddly always erupted a twinge in my gut that I could never quite place where the origins were from. I pushed that thought away and melted into his touch, eager for more, never feeling quite satisfied without our bodies completely together.

And we were. We rocked together and he moaned my name into my ear, searching for a release. I gripped onto him tightly needing the string that he was to teather me to the ground. He kept me safe and made me feel loved. He made me feel things that I would never have been able to experience without him by my side. He shuddered and collapsed onto my pleasured body, both of us breathing heavily.

"I love you," he said the words that he had repeated to me so often before, but still made my heart swell each time he said them.

"I love you, too," I kissed his temple gently, and before I could do anything else, I drifted off to sleep.

_I stared down at Orion, we were on a blanket on the greenest grass I had ever seen. The sun was shining above, and my son was smiling and laughing so much that I could have sworn he was glowing. I beamed at him, feeling so very happy. He clapped his hands like babies do, and gurgled up at me wanting me to play along with him. I laid him on the checkered white and red blanket and blew raspberries into his belly, I felt so warmed at the way I could make him laugh. _

_Before I knew it the dark grey clouds rolled across the sky and blocked my sun, it couldn't reach Orion and I. It looked as if it would rain, so I turned to pick him up when I saw that he was no longer there. But I didn't feel sad. I wasn't sure if it actually settled into my head the seriousness that he wasn't with me anymore. But it made sense that he wasn't there. It was if I knew where he was, and I knew that he was safe. Instead I stood up just as the rain began to fall and hit my body, chilling me to the bone. I combed my fingers through my hair, pushing it away from my eyes. The sky had darkened so quickly._

_"Bella." It was a whisper, so soft and so gentle that it rivaled the feel of my son's cheek against my skin. I looked behind me to see him, standing just among the trees, and I realized this was his meadow. It used to be ours..._

_His beauty was sinful, and his eyes were clouded with an expression I had yet to see on his features. I realized where that twinge I experienced with Jacob earlier, came from. From his memory. The most graceful, intelligent, beautiful, amazing man I will ever meet stood before me not willing to look away. _

_I swallowed in fear, as he edged toward me, so slowly that it probably didn't go without great effort for him. He came to a halt in front of me, and with exaggerated slowness, he lifted his hand and placed two fingers under my chin, tilting my head up to see his flawless complexion better. The pain that eminated throughout my body as he stared at me hit me with such intensity, it was staggering. I hadn't felt this empty and whole at the same time since before Orion was born. I was empty because I knew that he didn't love me and he didn't want me, and I was whole because he was here and that was all I ever wanted. It was all I ever deserved of him. _

_"Bella," his voice was thick and velvety as he never broke eye contact. I blinked with relief for my eyes, but I hated that I didn't see his face for the split milisecond that they were shut. He exhaled and his wondrous, glorious scent danced across my face, and I felt dizzy with desire and emotion. How could I ever try and force this man out of my head?_

_"Why are you here?" I found my voice, and stared up at him with incredulity. He was an angel among me, a human. I was not worthy of his presence, and I hated that he felt the obligation to visit me. _

_"How could I not be here?" His voice was husky, and I was surprised to see him lean forward, toward my lips. But he skipped past them and instead pressed his cold, stone-like lips to my throat. My mouth parted in surprise, and my knees buckled, but he made sure I didn't fall. I kept my hands firmly at my sides, thinking, if I touched him, he might go away forever. Or he might run like he did so long ago in this meadow the last time we were here..._

_His mouth continued it's way across my collarbone and up and down my neck, making me shiver in a way I hadn't in such a long time. Without my permission, my hands gripped onto him as tightly as I could, desperate for him. I knew that he could run from me, but I needed to touch him in a way that frightened me. He pulled me so close to my body that I forgot to breathe. I felt every line of his form, pressed into me, making this moment excruciatingly pleasant. _

_"I missed you so much," he growled into my ear, making me shake uncontrollably with lust for him. He gripped onto me tighter, and I didn't mind the slight pain it brought to me. He was here, my Edward. _

_Edward._

_"Edward," I moaned, and he turned to my face finally and kissed me. _

I shot up in bed, gasping for breath. It had been so long since I had a dream about him. Since before I was pregnant with Orion. I was thrown from my element way beyond belief. He was here. No, he wasn't. It was a dream. The blow of reality hit me and a hole that I thought was gone for good, overtook my body, pushing me forefully back into the bed.

Jacob was snoring, in his own dreamland, unable to sense my struggle. I had to get out of here, I ripped the sheets off my sweating body and ran out the bedroom and into the cool late autumn air. I collapsed to the ground in a heap, on the wet grass. The sun was rising and the birds were chirping, but I was in complete agony. I tore at my stomach, scratching it, gasping for air. I curled up into a ball hoping to ease the tension in my body. The hole was tearing me up inside, almost as if it was punishing me for ever being happy. A sob escaped my clamped lips. Tears, fell down my cheeks, making it impossible to see. The tears slid down my neck tickling it, but I couldn't concentrate on anything but the gaping hole in my chest. My heart thudded dully and I wondered if one could truly die of heart break. I wiped my face into the soaked grass, trying to distract myself, but nothing would do. The oxygen that I was inhaling were sharp and I couldn't seem to catch my breath. A dreadful, loud sob erupted from my mouth and far away I could hear a voice crying out to me. But I couldn't exactly make out what it was saying, let alone who it was.

"Bella! Bella?" The voice tore into my blindness. I saw Jacob's worried face in my blurry vision. I rolled onto my back with Jaocb's help, and I stared up into his face, the lightened La Push sky behind his head. He pulled me up and into his arms, his face was pained as he asked me what was wrong. But how could I tell him? He knew. I still could barely say _his_ name.

"I need you," my voice croaked softly.

"I'm here, baby, I'm here." He held my tightly, but it was so different from my dream, and I hated myself for comparing, but I couldn't help it. What was worse was the fact that I wasn't telling _Jacob_ that I needed him. I was telling someone entirely different, someone who was nowhere near La Push, and that caused me to cry out for hours. Jacob called Emily to come over and watch Orion for the day, while he stayed with me in bed, as I stared blankly at the wall unable to find myself. I couldn't understand how a dream could have such an effect on me. How any man could have such an effect on me like _he_ did. But then I realized he was no man. He was something otherworldly. And I wondered, was this feeling that I carried around with me deep down inside of me, otherworldly?

--

Not too far outside the house, Edward Cullen, stood hidden in a tree breaking the treaty completely. He was going against all the rules: his families rules, the treaties rules and his own rules, being there outside her bedroom window. She was there sleeping with Jacob, and he was out here staring at her as a smile crossed her beautiful dreaming face. His entire being knew this was wrong, but his heart was insane and begged to be here. It still didn't feel close enough though. He ached to be closer to her, but that would surely awaken the werewolf. That pain of her being with someone else shocked him. He didn't expect to feel this amount of jealousy when he had been prepared that she possibly could have married a man. He wondered maybe it was because it was with Jacob. Jacob who had had a crush on her all those years ago. He was a werewolf and that infuriated Edward and worried him unexplainably. Obviously she was fine and safe, but he still felt uneasy about the situation.

He felt hopeless when he saw that she had a son, Orion was his name. And he felt shattered as he saw the love that she and Jacob shared. A love that he could never have provided her. The hole that frequented Edward's chest was tearing into him as he gazed upon her happy life. A life without him. A life in which she seemed to love and a life with Edward was long forgotten. He knew that he should leave, and just as he spent minutes arguing with himself internally about leaving her, he heard her voice.

"Edward," she muttered, melodically.

He froze, and closed his eyes, inhaling her scent. His love's smell. She still dreamed of him. That caused the hole in his chest to die away furiously. He opened his eyes and stared at her wistfully. He was so very pleased that she still talked in her sleep. He was so very pleased that she still thought of him.

His dead heart nearly jumped out of his chest when she shot out of bed, terrified. Her dream that she had of him must not have been so lovely. She gasped and seemed to be having trouble breathing. It took every ounce of self control he could muster not to jump through her window and hold her in his arms.

He was furious at Jacob for not noticing a disturbance right away. He needed to wake up and help her. She tore out of bed so quickly, that he forgot about Jacob immediately. She stumbled her way out of the house into a heap on the wet grass. Edward held onto himself tightly as he saw her misery and was mortified at her desperation. She was not alright. She was deeply hurt, and he knew it was because of him.

He needed for her to feel alright, without him. As much as it pained him not being able to help her himself, he rounded to the side of the house where Jacob and Bella's bedroom window sat, and through a small branch at the window. It startled Jacob awake, and he looked around suspicious, sniffing. Edward doubted that he could smell him. Jacob looked alarmed as he realized Bella wasn't sleeping peacefully beside him. He got out of bed curious to find out her location. He checked in on Orion, wondering if Bella was in there with their son. But once he saw that she wasn't there, and that the front door was left wide open, he quickened his worried pace outside, and found his wife, broken on the grass.

Edward closed his eyes, not wanting to watch the torture that would ensue if he saw Jacob helping Bella when he could not. He turned away. He had to leave now. Before Jacob could smell his scent. A large breeze broke through the trees. Luckily Edward was downwind.

"I need you," Bella said.

_I need you too,_ Edward replied. But it still wasn't enough...

**R/R!**


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